For the longest time, I thought I wouldn’t have to resort to these measures – but now I think the time has come!
Over the past few months, our household has been infested with multiple maamas and maamis, inquisitive about the nature of my marital status. So this is an attempt to tell these ‘selfless’ individuals about the happenings of my life.
So, here is the story of two tam-bram parents’ attempt to marry off their 25-year-old.
My parents have me registered on all the matrimonial sites that exist on the WorldWideWeb and the search has been on for a while now. For you to completely understand why I feel the need to do this, I need to list down the emotional trauma that my parents have been subjected to over the course of the last two years.
Here are some of the things we have heard over time:
- “She has reached her child bearing age. Old goods. You must ‘chattu-puttu nu‘ decide before it is too late.” (Because clearly child bearing is the sole purpose of my existence!)
- “She must be very picky. Avo indha kaalathu ponnu aache.“
- “She must be hiding someone and not telling us!” (Because for some reason, I am expected to tell ‘them’ if I am hiding a man in my closet.)
- “These days girls don’t want to compromise.” (Because we are naturally expected to be the ones who compromise!)
- “She has a lot of friends who are boys illa, thats why.”
- “You’re not doing something right. It shouldn’t take you this long” – verbatim. (Well guys, my parents actually chose not to force me into something I didn’t want to do. So, if you are jealous that your life didn’t turn out like mine, live vicariously!)
- “Yeththana naal ippidiye irruppa?” (Well, watch me.)
- “Your parents are very stressed. You should help them out and decide soon.” (Well, maybe if you guys stopped filling their heads with your tiresome opinions, there wouldn’t be an element of stress after all!)
Actually, here are my most cherished life-achievements. By the end of this, you can decide if I truly am living a life of depravity :
- Won two proficiency awards at MU for excellence in education.
- Got a Job at a great company, right out of college.
- Enjoyed multiple tubs of free popcorn at work. (Yes, the sathyam popcorn!)
- Got piss drunk four nights in a row in Bombay, with some amazing company. (Yes, I had been dreaming of doing that forever!)
- Got to eat parrupu saadam almost everyday for the last 25 years…. and still counting.
- Watched my nephews come into this world and effectively spoilt them as they grew up to become smart, intelligent young boys.
- Discovered my love for photography and went around Southern India, shooting temple architecture, an unfathomably pleasurable hobby.
- Attended an AR Rahman concert in TAMIL. (The caps-lock was warranted after the recent events.)
- Finally went bonkers with my hair and dared fringes! (although my hair grew back very quickly, I had wanted it for the longest time. So mission accomplished!)
- Travelled to the city I had always dreamed of going to, since I was 16 – London, Baby!
- Enjoyed the breathtaking – ‘A head full of Dreams’ concert, by Coldplay with my best friend in Wembley, London.
- Visited Cambridge. More specifically, the place where Harry first learnt the rules of Quidditch!
- Spent a bomb on some AWESOME Harry Potter merchandise in London (as my friend sat and rolled his eyes at me).
- Enjoyed another AHFOD concert in MMRDA grounds, Bombay (because I always wanted to be one of those people that went across town to go see a band perform!)
- Attended Kyoorius Design Yatra thrice. Met and heard some awe-inspiring speeches by pioneers in design across the world.
- Screamed and hooted at RajiniKanth during the FDFS of Kabali in the iconic Sathyam Cinemas!
- Quit my job at that great company, and moved on to something even bigger and better.
- Started earning more than most other boys on Tamil Matrimony do!
- Visited my sister in yet another beautiful country – Dubai!
- Saw the Bhurj Khalifa. Meh.
- Finally figured out what kind of Wine I like the most!
- Got my wardrobe completely redone, a redemption for all those past years of fashion disasters.
- Saved enough money to start a Fixed Deposit. (Yes, it is a big deal for me!)
- Finally, got my head around learning to drive. Dont laugh, I have a license. To quote my best friend – “I use it for ID Proof.”
- Learnt to swim from my brother-in-law, and currently getting a pretty sexy tan!
- Reached that stage in life, where I could buy my dad an I-phone, (a gift from my sister and myself). You must know this – When we gave it to him, he yelled at us for having done something so crazy. But then he walked around carrying it proudly and gloated to his peers that his daughters gifted it to him. I know, he is a cutie!
- Sat through an entire cricket match. (Yes, this is a big deal, because I never thought cricket and fun could be used in the same sentence before!)
- Got myself tattooed (around two-three times *wink wink*), hush before you scream!
- Finally got a LBD
- Finished an entire margherita pizza all on my own.
- Completed the entire Harry Potter series 14 times. Yes, the books. Those of you who even thought for a second that I was talking about the movies – shame!
- Proud owner of a pair of RayBan glasses – another thing I have wanted since I was 16.
- Got through an entire Steven King book, without throwing up.
- Sat through 7 seasons of Pretty Little Liars (Yes, it is an achievement)
- Started this blog!
So, if you still feel like asking my parents, “What is wrong?”. Think again. Scroll up. and read.
Those of you who are in the same boat as I am, turn it around and head to another destination. As Don Draper would say, “If you don’t like what is being said, change the conversation”.
Thank you and good night!